Stay Strong.......................................

Lying silently alone on my bed, eyes open wide.
Watching as darkness moves in like a heavy fog.
My breathing seems to echo against the walls
And my heart beats rapidly as I’m plagued with thought.
Prayer like questions, if I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take, will he take me?
Instantly thoughts go to Mom, surely she’s there,
Surely her open arms will be there to greet me.
Harbouring such thoughts bring to me a peaceful smile.
I start counting all the loved ones I will soon see.
I count them as others count sheep in darkest night
They have become like soft comfort blankets to me
They make my nights less scary, should it be my time.
Soon my weary body gives way to pure darkness 
I slip into a place of total nothingness 
Time stands still and now I am neither here nor there
I am nowhere, floating helplessly forever
Then far off I see a light shining so brightly 
Now I feel once more as my aching body hurts
I moan and roll toward the window lit with sun
Realisation sinks in, I’ve made it……one more night.

I won the battle once more..................

MY PAIN

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A girl is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The tears are wiped away silently in a towel today
Sombre, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this girl
In this girl, a child cries out loud
A deepening sea of loneliness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

THE LAST WAR

There is a war going on, 
in a very far away land. 
As the good and the evil, 
take the last stand. 
The evil have dark forces, 
to fight for their cause. 
But the good have the power, 
To destroy every shoddy 
As the dark forces march, 
straight out of hell. 
Will they crush the good? 
Only time will tell. 
Or will good triumph evil? 
as they take up this fight. 
Will light cut through darkness, 
like a candle at night? 
So who will you join? 
as you take the last stand. 
You must decide soon, 
For the worlds in your hands

The damp corner

There is a damp dark corner
at the back of my room,
it speaks to me
and says I'm coming to you

As I lie on my bed
in the curled position,
my eyes are closed
hoping and wishing.

Maybe that one day
my dreams will come true,
that I don't have to be here
so down and blue.

The corner keeps talking
about how I'm going to die,
all I can do
is lie there and cry.

As the corner gets closer
and takes me in,
my soul starts to burn
as so does my skin.

My bones shall lie there
turning to dust,
my bed surrounding
nothing but rust.

LONGING AND ECSTASY     

 Love, indeed the strength is mighty

Thus, alone, such strife to bear....

Three against one, and never ceasing ,

Death, and Madness, and Despair!

It is not my own strength has saved me;

Health, and hope, and fortitude,

But for love, had long since failed me;

Heart and soul had sunk subdued.

Often, in my wild impatience,

I have lost my trust in Life,

And my soul has tossed and struggled,

Like a vessel tempest-driven;

But the voice of my beloved

In my ear has seemed to say....

'Oh, be patient if you love me!'

And the storm has passed away.

When outworn with weary thinking,

Sight and thought were waxing dim,

And my mind began to wander,

And my brain began to swim,

Then those hands outstretched to save me

Seemed to call me back again...

Those dark eyes did so implore me

To resume my reason's reign,

That I could not but remember

How his hopes were fixed on me,

And, with one determined effort,

Rose, and shook my spirit free.

When hope leaves my weary spirit .....

All the power to hold it gone,

That loved voice so loudly prays me,

'For my sake, keep hoping on,'

That, at once my strength renewing,

Though Despair had crushed me down,

I can burst his bonds asunder,

And defy his deadliest frown.

When, from nights of restless tossing,

Days of gloom and pining care,

Pain and weakness, still increasing,

Seem to whisper 'Death is near,'

And I almost bid him welcome,

Knowing he would bring release,

Weary of this restless struggle.....

Longing to repose in peace,

Then a glance of fond reproval

Bids such selfish longings flee

And a voice of matchless music

Murmurs 'Live life for me!'

Roused to newborn strength and courage,

Pain and grief, I cast away,

Health and life, I keenly follow,

Mighty Death is held at bay. Yes, my love, I will be patient!Firm and bold my heart shall be.I will long for you ........

FROZEN IN TIME

I'm bored and weary, at times on the brink of insanity

Being this way for the longest time

Feeling desolate, despondent, and lost 

Feeling wretched and damned at a cost

I am locked in this small space

Enough for just me 

Not daring to scream out loud

As I whipped myself scarred

I long to break free from this cycle

This chokehold I'm in

I have only you to depend on

I have to be brave enough for us

I long to feel the sugary sand under my feet

Fill my lungs with clean, fresh air

Sense your warm touch caressing my pale skin

To flourish, to thrive, to feel so alive 

How long I have been frozen, I couldn't tell

I know I should stand on my feet

Take a step, perhaps two

Keep going, even if I stumble and fall

The door is open, inviting and alluring

Can I do it? Can I make it?

MY UNPREDICTABLE LIFE

Sadness, the world within my mind 

Twists and turns with flaming rage,

Fear, self-pity, blame and guilt

Isolate - spirit in a cage.

Fear will scratch the surface

Guilt shall consume my soul,

Blame eventually follows 

Self pity devours my whole.

Empty pages hold the future

Unaware what tomorrow brings,

Yet to feel the beauty of the day

Is what gives hope its wings.

Drink life from a half-filled cup

Swallow with dignity and pride,

Worth not measured by the exterior

But what lives and grows inside.

Surrender to a glorious sunrise

And shadows that may fall between,

For even within a droplet of rain

Magic and miracles can be seen ...

* When life faces with a illness and traumas we can shred our life to pieces. We face every emotion known. Sadness, anger, rage, fear, guilt, blame and perhaps even self pity.
These emotions will isolate us from the rest of the world. They zap our energy and steal our will to live. 
Until .... we decide they will not control us. There is a beautiful world out there ... and even though it is so hard to see it when we have illness and traumas. We must look deep within and find the strength to fight *